Skill Beneath The Heartache

“Heartbreak is a gateway to compassionate action. Such action arises when we trust our body sensations and the emotions they reveal. We can act with integrity and we do not have to second guess ourselves. It is key to know how to transform our confusion into wise action: our world depends upon it.”

Our 16 year old grandson lived with us recently. It lasted a week before he “borrowed” our car (he’s an underage driver, not allowed to drive without an adult or at night) and picked up a forbidden lover. They had their Romeo & Juliet moment in our guest bedroom and then he drove her home where they were greeted by her father in the driveway. And yes all this while a pandemic tears across the globe!

My partner & I were awakened a few hours later by ringing cell phones, outraged mothers & fathers, threats of restraining orders, etc. It was all quite dramatic. Point being? He broke my heart. After extracting all the details from him, it was determined he’d go live with his father in another state. It was the breaking point after lies, deceptions, and disappearances both on our watch and his mother’s.

I didn’t recognize what I felt as “heartache” at first. I felt sluggish and disoriented. When I gave keen attention to those sensations, a clarifying anger showed itself, just beneath the heartache.

I fired off an email to say he was not welcome to return to our home until amends were made to all involved, including us. This was not new behavior for him but if he assumed this grandmother who adores him was not going to wield her sword, he was wrong.

There’s nothing compassionate about enabling someone’s bad behavior. Turning toward that heart sinking feeling released vitality, allowed me to set healthy boundaries, and let go of outcomes. He has all the time he needs to come to his senses: my heart and mind are open, my home is not.

Heartbreak is a gateway to compassionate action. Such action arises when we trust our body sensations and the emotions they reveal. We can act with integrity and we do not have to second guess ourselves. It is key to know how to transform our confusion into wise action: our world depends upon it.