Initiation

Since January of this year I’ve walked closely with my daughter; her marriage exploded after many years of normalizing the abnormal with a partner who attempted to separate her from herself and loved ones. Despite my intentions to finish a book and do other tasks, I finally had to surrender that what is happening right in front of me is what’s mine to do.

The marks are all there

While she cannot see the larger picture right now, all the marks of initiation are there: the shattering of a marriage, the ordeal of moving through all the inner and outer obstacles of a divorce with four children, the wish to give up, the seemingly impossible next task, the disorientation, the siren call from an abusive partner who questions her sanity, the exhaustion: all of it. All initiations contain the same elements: a shattering, a loss of identity, disorientation, disintegration, darkness, surrender, a time of living and loving lean, then the renewal and reintegration.

How we moderns navigate

One experience that contributes to we moderns feeling so crazy at times is that we’ve lost touch with the underlying template of initiation that informs all life. We don’t have to take up exotic rituals or costumes, although some people do so. Have a baby! Accompany someone through childbirth, keep a vigil for a loved one dying, spend deep time in nature and observe the necessary chaos that is part of life. We’ve been seduced into believing that life should be just one untroubled moment after the next, which leaves us ill equipped for the inevitable ups and downs of life. When upheaval comes we are left feeling that we’ve been singled out or wonder what is wrong. Nothing is wrong. An initiation is at hand.

Humility

My daughter’s initiation offers healing to her daughter and to her descendants and ancestors. She’s doing the work on behalf of the many. She isn’t aware of that yet. I am aware of the ripple of healing across generations.

I am empowered by her courage, nourished by her companionship, encouraged by her efforts, inspired by her fierceness, and broken wide open by the depth of her moments of despair. All that I have endured up to this point in my own life allows me to be present to her in ways I could have never imagined.

A deep bow to the mystery of it all.