Boundaries & the Boundless Heart

“There’s respecting first your own boundless heart, its wish to connect and a respect for your own limits and the limits of others. It’s tender work that with time brings ease. I know this from my own experience.”

Here’s an audio version of this blog post.

There’s a premium placed on healthy boundaries. Boundaries are necessary because there are people who wreak havoc in our lives. And boundary setting is only one part of the skillful means required in our relationships. Clear boundaries help us to respect our limits. There are people we must keep a safe distance from and often times they are some of our closest people.

That’s not a moral failure, it is a dilemma for many.

Boundary setting can be conflated with a closed heart which causes confusion when we are challenged by a family member or close friend. We don’t want to cut off from someone yet at the same time, there’s the sanity of a boundary that is necessary. And sometimes, there are people we must close the door on completely, that is important to name. And yet, closing a door doesn’t mean we close off from the boundlessness of our own hearts or theirs: somewhere behind all their confusion is a boundless heart.

What I’ve come to learn and continue to learn is that setting a boundary doesn’t mean I am cut off from my own boundless heart or the boundless heart of anyone else. It’s a practice of discernment.

If we listen to our body, it will tell us where we are on the spectrum between boundlessness and boundaries. With time and awareness practices, we come to know the difference between when we are shutting down or when we are in the space of “both/and” which is a place where our hearts are open and our boundaries are clear.

Shutting down is part of the learning curve so go gently with yourself. It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong, you are learning and most of us have not been educated as to how to remain open and yet keep ourselves safe.

There’s respecting first your own boundless heart, it’s wish to connect and a respect for your own limits and the limits of others. It’s tender work that with time brings ease. I know this from my own experience.