Before We Had Words – megrinaldi

“We can change our experience by having support for our felt sense and the ability to make new choices. If there’s one thing many of us can agree on, it’s that we could all develop greater resilience. To do that we have to become aware of the interpretations of life that currently inform us. And know that with awareness, mindfulness, and gentleness, we can choose again.”

Psychologist Daniel Goleman suggests that 90% of our emotional communication is non verbal. This for me begs the questions: “If most of my emotional communication is non verbal, then where does it live in me? And the 10% I offer verbally, what does it convey?” Another way of framing this question is “How congruent am I when communicating with others?”

A few years back I caught a snippet of a BBC documentary on the first few weeks of newborn life. The crisp British voice over said: “These first few weeks are some of the most impactful weeks of life and they will be forgotten. But they will inform a person for the rest of their lives.”

Wait! What?! How could both of those of statements be true? Some of the most important parts of our lives both are forgotten but will inform us for the rest of our lives? How does that work? What about body memory? What about implicit memories?

The traditional narrative about our emotional experience, leaves the body out of the conversation. Why are those memories of our early life so impactful and yet “forgotten”? Because we are taught to believe that bodily knowing has no value.

Here’s a reflection from a client session:

“It’s important to acknowledge how we interpret our experience, and that we realize we are interpreting based on a lifetime of habit: Some of these interpretations are accessible by language, some experiences are remembered by the body, before we had words. As we explored together with gentleness and curiosity, returning her to simpler, younger movements, she could find her ground again. She was slowly able to trust that her body could offer her wisdom. Her felt sense was trustworthy. Accessing these earlier movements as adults, offers a deep inquiry into how we have chosen to organize ourself and the possibility that we are free to choose again.”
“Freedom from Habits of Body & Mind” (2018)

This experience points to the fact that the brain/mind/body is an open system. We can change our experience by having support for our felt sense and the ability to make new choices. If there’s one thing many of us can agree on, it’s that we could all develop greater resilience. To do that we have to become aware of the interpretations of life that currently inform us. And know that with awareness, mindfulness, and gentleness, we can choose again.